so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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