Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
