the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
