he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
