Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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