When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
