ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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