She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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