I'm gonna have a badass scar
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
