Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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