so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
