Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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