just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We need to rekindle our bromance
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
