Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
