On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
