I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You ate ashes out of my bong
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
