I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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