This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
