i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
