Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
