Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
