everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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