you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
