my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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