She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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