I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
