This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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