My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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