I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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