Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
