Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
