Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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