he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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