Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize