cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
True strength comes from lack of pants
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
