It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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