can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
