Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
