She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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