im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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