Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I faked an abortion last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
