Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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