i just wanna soil my oats bro
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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