I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
