My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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