oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
