he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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