i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
