the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
