I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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