if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
