im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
