We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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