ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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