You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
