Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
did i walk over a car last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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