dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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