what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
