Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
