Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
