We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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