he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
