Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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