You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
