So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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