just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
