Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
