I wanna bring you to show and tell
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
