You smell like stripper and shame
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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