Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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