I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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