dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
