Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
