I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
