I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
